My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
