Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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