Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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