I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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