last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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