help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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