I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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