drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
