it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
