U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
