Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
