she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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