His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
