Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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