Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
