there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
