Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
