I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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