If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
