Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize