this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
