apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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