Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
