I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
