yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize