If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
