Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
