When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
