I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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