White coat. Heels.
your thong is hanging out like whoa
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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