Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i will never coherently bang her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
