I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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