I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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