Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
