So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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