Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
