If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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