Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
