i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
