Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
