names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
