threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
