Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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