I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dicks are not precious.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
