I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
