I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
