also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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