does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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