This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
