We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
