he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
