Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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