how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize