The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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