I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
