i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
