it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize