Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
