I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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