You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
