Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
