If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
