Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
