You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
