your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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