My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
