In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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