i barfeds in our rink
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
