Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
