You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
