so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
