Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So vagazzling was a success
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
PANTIES FOUND
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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