Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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