She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
