My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize