You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
