I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
