So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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