I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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