Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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