I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
