So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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