nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
