Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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