it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
