Don't you send me to vm
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They took my balls.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
