I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
