i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
