my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
