am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
