Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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