I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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