I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So many bounce houses so little time
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize