I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
