So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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