If that was your dad, he is hot
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wish there were birth control emojis
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
