well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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