This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize