just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
