doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
