grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize