yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
