NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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