no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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